5 Ways To SEO...if you're running away from evil robots

Okay so we all know SEO stands for Search Engine Optimisation and a lot of us know that SEO specialists like Guillermo work hard to get company pages on the first page of search engine results.
But how many of you know which factors affect search engine results…apart from maybe a good SEO agency (like us, wink wink hint hint)?
This is a fun little post that will teach you the difference between good SEO and bad SEO.
Okay so let’s pretend evil robots have taken over the planet (just go with me here).

That’s all robots, even search engines bots 
And you’re (naturally) leading the human revolution.


The first thing you do is create a website outlining all your plans. But you need to hide it from search engines. Otherwise the evil robots will discover all your plans and foil them…or send a robot back in time to kill your teenage self. Either way you need to be really (really) bad at SEO.
Here’s how to do that:

1. Use irrelevant page titles

You should make sure your page on reprogramming evil robots has nothing to do with reprogramming evil robots and instead write an arty title about pasta.
Even better, you could use default page titles like ‘untitled 1’ or ‘New Page 3’.

2. Use extremely long page titles

Your page titles should be so long that it’ll take your users about nine hours to read them…or until their batteries run out. (I’m going on the assumption that evil robots run on batteries – I bet Duracell would make a killing!).

3. Use irrelevant page descriptions

You want to try and make sure your description Meta tag has absolutely nothing to do with your page content so you can ensure no optimising takes place at all. Your robot enemy cannot know you’re stopping the production of rice so they can’t dry themselves out when they fall in water.

4. Have a really complicated navigational system

So in the unlikely situation that your website does get picked up by a search engine, make sure users need to click 50 000 different links and about eleven different sign up forms and 27 chess moves to reach any sort of content on your page.  Trust me, those search engine bots are all over those breadcrumb lists so don’t you dare use them!

5. Lastly make sure your content is NOT fresh, unique or even slightly interesting

To trick a robot you need to become a robot. Evil search engine bots are looking for content written for humans so you need to do the opposite to avoid any kind of optimisation. So overload your content with a million keywords, miss spellings, poor formatting and lots and lots of duplicate content. 


If you do these five things, I can assure you that no search engine will touch you with a barge pole and if they do, you definitely won’t be on the first page! And you will successfully win the war against the evil robots  (cuz let’s face it, you’re you and you’re awesome!).
But if (sadly) robots are not trying to kill you and take over the universe and you do want search engine bots to notice you then you might want to steer clear from the 5 tips above. 

Here's some good SEO tips:

  1. 1. Use relevant page titles and keep them short

  1. 2. Make sure your description tags relate to your content

  2. 3. Your site navigation should be simple

  3. 4. Be clever with your keywords

  4. 5. Keep an eye on your links

  5. 6. Write useful, fresh and interesting content

If you need more help with optimising your website (or maybe how to survive a robot war) contact us now 

And as always let us know what you think in the comments below. How do you define good and bad SEO? 

Source: the terminator movies 


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